A few weeks ago, I was checking out gyms in my area. My hope was to find one with childcare so that I could better fit in my workouts. It’s tough right now, because I take care of my baby during the day and then I work from home in the evenings once my husband gets home. I manage to fit in a few workouts a week right now, but want to get back into a more routine schedule.
I was pretty appalled when I went to one gym and the conversation during the tour went like this:
Gym guy: “So, do you have any particular fitness goals? Wait, let me guess – get back in shape to lose that extra baby weight.” (strike 1)
Me: “Well, I want to get back to my running pace, but I’m really just looking for somewhere that has childcare.”
Gym guy: “Oh, you run? What do you do, local 5ks?” (strike 2 – not because a 5k is anything to scoff at, but because he assumes that a runner who looks like me is limited to 5k distance)
Me: “Those, half marathons, triathlons…”
Gym guy: “Oh really? Well that’s great. We could definitely discuss how to get back to your running time faster. And weight loss too.” (strike 3).
I found the conversation so inappropriate that it was seriously comical to me.
–> This guy has NO idea that I’m a registered dietitian, certified personal trainer, fitness blogger, and so on.
–> He had no clue that I’ve run two full marathons, a bunch of halves, and competed in sprint and Olympic distance triathlons (including taking the podium twice last year in the Athena division).
–> He had no idea what my initial weight was pre-pregnancy, and what weight I personally feel comfortable with. {And on that note – I do have about 10-15 pounds to lose to get me to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’m not worried about it coming off immediately. Right now, I’m focused on making sure my son is doing well and that I can continue breastfeeding on a limited diet for his intolerences. It took me 9 months to put on the weight. I’m working on getting it off slowly, and that’s fine with me.}
If I was a less secure woman or I was having a rough day, the whole exchange could have really gotten me down. Instead, it prompted me to put together this blog post.
It’s time to stop the body shaming.
Body shaming happens to all different body types. Fat, skinny, muscular – most women have experienced some form of body shaming within their life, and I’d venture to say that most have experienced some rude comment in the recent past.
I reached out to fellow fitness & food bloggers so I could share some of their stories with you as well – and I was overwhelmed at the response. Stories came flooding in about personal body shaming experiences in all walks of life. Please take a look at some of the excerpts below (and click the links to their blogs to see full posts).
You’ll see that our current culture has made some people think that…
…Apparently, runners must only look like the elite athletes we see on TV
In addition to my story above, I got several responses about body shaming for not “looking like a runner.”
Meghan from Life on Planet Marsz shared a post about her trip to a doctor’s office:
“One thing the doctor said, though, really struck me and has bounced around in my head all week. He was explaining that I needed to take it easy when it came to the amount of running. He explained that my body wasn’t really the “type” for a runner–I wasn’t a “petite” female runner, but rather a “large, athletic woman.”
Amanda at The Road to a Healthy Life was criticized during a training run:
“When I starting running again, down towards the esplanade, we ran by a group of girls who seemed to be slowly making it home after a night out. One of them said loudly “Wow, why is she running? You would think it would hurt her to run all that hanging around.”
…Apparently, only people that look a certain way are supposed to exercise
Angela from The Chicken Scoop shared her story about being pressured into personal training because the staff thought she looked a certain way…
“I was at the gym once minding my own business on the treadmill (trading for a half marathon) when I was offered a free training session (because they work on commission and hope to get you to book more sessions). Anyway, afterwards, she made me go in to talk with the director. Without asking me my goals, they kept going on and on about how they could help me to lose the belly flab and get in shape. They also said I would be one of the “cool kids” with their own personal trainer. I finally had enough and informed them that I had already lost 50 pounds on my own and didn’t need their specialized training to reach my fitness goals! Which at the time was to run a marathon, not lose weight. I canceled my gym membership about a month later!”
Jen from Finding My Inner Bombshell shared a story about how a local store owner didn’t think curvier women exercise…
“When I asked her if she could bring me that bra in the proper size, she told me she didn’t carry it in the store. It would be special ordered because she doesn’t have people my size coming into her store asking for sports bras. And if someone my size does ask for a sports bra, they never buy them….I pretty much felt fat-shamed in that fitting room (I was topless when she said it too and that didn’t help my self-esteem). Why did she waste my time with all these other bras if she knew that she wouldn’t have anything for me?”
Kaitlyn from Fitness For Real People emailed me to share stories about body shaming as a crossfit athlete…
“In my own experience though, people shame those who are in shape or “claim to be” as they say. I have gotten two sides of it. I have gotten negative comments because I post about crossfit and post lifting videos and sometimes a flex pose because that makes me smile but my body is nowhere near perfect. I don’t have abs. I’m not shredded. I’ve gotten so many remarks about not being as fit as I think I am just because my body doesn’t look like that of a body builder. Like somehow because I have some fat on me I must’ve faked the video of me deadlifting 225# It makes NO sense and makes me so sad. It also defeats everything I have worked so hard for mentally and physically.”
…Apparently, there is something wrong with being “skinny”…
Coco from Running with Perseverance talks about the reactions she saw on another person’s blog post. In attempting to make someone feel better about their size, many people ended up shaming the other end of the spectrum.
“There were a number of comments referring to thin women as “sticks” or “twigs,” and discussing them in a negative context. While they were defending Sue from being judged for her size, they seemed to be doing the same to people who may be underweight.”
Kaila Rose from the Healthy Helper shared a post about the double standard of skinny shaming…
“The reason I think there’s a double standard in reference to being thin is because people seem assume that being thin makes you comfortable in your own body, that you need to be knocked down a few notches, and that they have the right to make comments on your body….To me though, its just another shape, another body type, and should be just as celebrated as other looks.”
…Apparently, it’s OK to pretend you know what’s happening in someone’s uterus
Rachael (pictured right) from Rachael Novello Fitness shared a post very recently about someone’s insensitive (and to be frank, ridiculous) comment after she posted a fitness how-to video…
“Within just a few minutes of posting this video I received a private message through Instagram from someone warning me that “lifting heavy while pregnant isn’t advised.” I stopped short in my tracks. For a brief moment I was confused. I had no clue what they were talking about because #1: I’m NOT pregnant and #2: I wasn’t lifting heavy (unless you consider 15lbs for the purposes of the video example to be heavy)…”
…Apparently, even if someone has what society would consider to be an amazing body, they should still be criticized
Sarah Grace shared a video on her blog post over at Fresh, Fit & Healthy that is incredibly powerful…
A company asked her to model a fitness line and requested that she lose weight and tone up in order to do so. At 5’6” and about 100 pounds, they claimed that she still wasn’t thin enough. {Head to the link above to watch her video!}
And Jennifer over at The Fit Fork shared this story with me via facebook…
“When I was about 27 (and old enough where it shouldn’t have affected me, but it did), my middle aged male running coach pinched my waist and ask me if I had been eating too many candy bars. Mind you I’m 5’7″, prob weighed 120 with wet hair and could run a 2:50 marathon. I was mortified and felt like something must be wrong with ME, I still remember this so vividly 20 years later.”
…Apparently, we all must like exactly the same exercise routine
Farrah (pictured left) from Fairy Burger shared a post about the types of comments that people often make about women who are lifting weights. Examples from her post include…
- “Don’t get too big. It’s unattractive./You’re going to scare away all the guys and be alone forever.”
- “No guy’s going to like you if you’re more muscular than him.”
- “Girls don’t need to lift. You can just ask guys to carry things for you.”
- “Why don’t you take up running instead? That’s more of a girl’s sport.”
Susie Lemmer from Suzlyfe talks about the stereotypical assumptions and judgement made in the fitness world…
“Crossfitters and HIIT’ers shaming on runners and people plugging away on the elliptical. People saying ballet is not a sport, or that horseback riding isn’t. Runners scoffing at walkers, and anyone scoffing at anyone else who isn’t as good as them.
That is like hating a person because they are blond, and prefer their hair shorter than longer. Or because they wear makeup every day. Or a dress to work. It is arbitrary and ignorant and just being a d*** for the sake of being a d***.
…Apparently, it’s okay to criticize people who are struggling with a health condition
Jerusha from Citrus Swirl shared a story that was painful for me to even read. She talks about a health condition and medication that affected her weight, and so called “friends” who made comments about her…
“I was diagnosed with colon cancer and ulcerative colitis and as the result of prednisone, I gained a lot of bloat and it was impossible to get off. Comments being made included:”
-“She’s getting so f-ing fat”
“-Actually, she’s on meds that do that to her I guess” — “Donuts aren’t a medication.”
-“She used to be so pretty/thin.”
-“And after she lost all that weight a few years ago… What a shame.”
-“I don’t think she runs in those races… Look how fat she is. Runners aren’t fat.”
Are you hearing this?!
You can see the hurt, anger, or disbelief that some of these stories elicit. {Or just the sheer stupidity of people that makes you want to face palm.}
And most of this starts from the time we are kids. Jamila from No Nonsense Nutritionist shared this piece in a recent article:
“Once upon a time… there was a young girl who thought she was a princess. Until that first moment someone made fun of her and she became conscious of her body, her appearance, and her space in the world. That girl was me. I was taller than all of the other kids, overweight, and decorated with big brown glasses, metal braces, and a plastic back brace for my severe scoliosis.”
Think about this. Think about the example we are setting for the future generation of children. Melanie from Be Truly Nourished gives just one example in her post about weight-based compliments:
“We teach children indirectly that their weight is connected to how good they look. How do we do that, you ask? “Hey, you look great! Did you lose weight?” Translation to a child: You look good because you don’t weigh as much as you used to.”
Let’s set a better example. Let’s stop body shaming.
If my story makes you cringe at all, as well as the stories from fellow bloggers, I’d encourage you to share this post and spread the word. It’s time to stop body shaming.
–> Just because someone working out next to you is overweight doesn’t mean they are inferior to you or have less athletic ability than you. Just because someone is thin doesn’t mean they have an eating disorder. Just because a woman is lifting weights doesn’t mean she looks “manly”.
–> We don’t know anyone’s story in depth. We don’t know the results of their blood work, their personal conversations with the doctor, what they eat regularly, how often they workout, what weight they feel comfortable at. We don’t’ know any medical conditions they have or personal issues they’ve been struggling with.
–> We don’t know what someone personally likes their body to look like. Whether they like to see muscle tone or thin abs or curves or a big booty. Everyone has the right to love the way they look.
It is not up to us to judge people because of their weight or appearance. Let’s stop the body shaming and try supporting everyone for their efforts to get healthy, rather than tearing people down.
So please – share this post; talk to your friends, family, students, classmates; don’t engage in conversations shaming others. Spread the word. Let’s stop the body shaming.
Mic drop.
Share with me: Have you ever had a body shaming experience? Do you think we have a problem with body shaming in our country? What can we do to stop it?
- Ricotta Breakfast Bowl with Pears and Cranberries - January 9, 2025
- The Best Cottage Cheese Egg Muffins (Even If You Hate Cottage Cheese) - January 3, 2025
- I Tried the Whirly Board at My Standing Desk – And Here’s Why I Love It - December 22, 2024
Thank you so much for writing this post, and I am honored to be included in it. This is just ludicrous and inane and yes, RUDE. I would have slapped that a$$hat. Well, fine, I probably wouldn’t have but I would have sic’ed my husband on him. I can’t even believe that. You are so much more and better!
Hahaha! Yes, he definitely lacked some social graces. And thank you – both for your kind words and for being a part of this post!! 🙂
I LOVE THIS POST!!! And thank you so much for including my perspective. Sharing now!
So glad you enjoyed it Kaila! Thank you for sharing it!!
Wow, Chrissy. I have no words right now. Thank you for this.
Thank YOU for reading it and sharing it Amanda! I think it’s such a powerful message for us to get out there.
It’s so sad that we as a society are so cruel to each other. We should be empowering each other to do and be our best, no matter how it looks. Thanks for the PSA!
YES Cassi!! I just don’t understand why people make the comments that they do – some stories it is certainly intentionally malicious, while others it just seems like an inconsiderate and dumb thing that someone didn’t think through.
Great post! Yes it has to stop. It’s ashamed people make such quick judgements about people. Everyone is different and has a different story.
Exactly Ivanna!! Thank you for stopping by and reading 🙂
Hi Chrissy! I work in the fitness industry and have seen first-hand people being judged by their appearance. However, I know that the way someone LOOKS does not tell you how they feel or how athletic or in shape they may be. Thanks for bringing this up and pulling so many opinions and stories into one post. We all need to be careful of what we say and try not to pre-judge ANY one!
So true!! I almost think that in the fitness & nutrition industries, we see this even more. I know the topic has come up on my dietitian list-servs in the past as well (with varying viewpoints). I completely agree that looks do not always equal ability/comfort level.
This post is so powerful with such a great (unfortunately) variety of experiences to add to your point! Some of these stories (particularly yours) are horrifying but will likely strike a chord with your readers! Everyone should read this 🙂
I agree – some of the these, especially Jerusha’s medical condition or someone assuming Rachael was pregnant, are absolutely horrifying to me.
I loved this post! :] It’s unfortunate how cruel people can be to each other (something that I think has gotten way, way worse with increasing internet usage). I really hope people will learn to stop making assumptions about others! Thank you for sharing my post! <3
Totally agree with you regarding the internet. While it happens in person often, people are far too crass on the internet because they can hide behind the cloak of anonymity. My husband tells me to stop reading comments on articles on self-acceptance, fitness, nutrition, etc because the stupidity in comments sometimes just makes me so angry!
So accurately said. It is said that we have to deal with things like this.. but people are ignorant. I love how you included everyone different stores.. just goes to show you how this affects everyone.
Thanks for reading Liz! And yes, I think it’s important for people to see that this is an issue affecting just about every woman out there, regardless of body type.
I’m so glad that you posted this and that you shared all the different sides. A little compassion and understanding can go a long way in the gym. You never know what someone is going through or working towards, so ask them versus making a judgement. I’ve been turned down as a trainer several times because I’m skinny and female. We all have a story including me. If someone had asked they would have found out I understand more than they realized. I’m thankful you took the time to share.
Jenna, it’s interesting to hear your experience as a trainer and why you’ve been turned down. I’ve had people say to me “you don’t look like a dietitian” because I am a curvy girl. You know the saying – “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me”. Except really, it just makes an ass out of them. 😉
This is such an important post. It’s makes me so sad to read these stories. Yes, our society definitely has a huge problem with body shaming and articles like this need to be shared.
Thank you for reading Diane!! I appreciate you stopping by the blog 🙂
I just love absolutely EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS POST. As a former self-body shamer, this is so so important.
Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring us all to have a more positive body image.
Just love love love love love!!!!!
Lora, you touch on an important concept too – the body shaming we do to ourselves!! How many times do women look at themselves in the mirror and find something they are unhappy with?? That is a whole other related issue that we need to stop as well.
Great post!! I loved reading other people’s experiences. As a new mom, still struggling to lose the last of the baby weight, I know I’m not the same as I used to be, but I still want to have MY athletic body back, even if it’s not the “typical female athletic body” as I spoke about a couple of years ago.
Thanks for reading Megan! And congrats on being a new mom as well! How old is your little one??
Awesome post to be out there in the blog-o-sphere. Body-shaming definitely needs to STOP. Each of us is on our own fitness and healthy living journeys and should not be pressured or taunted by the opinions of others. We should all be supportive, not critical.
I love the last sentence of your post Dapinder – “we should all be supportive, not critical.” Somehow people have lost that message along the way and I think we need to reinforce that to everyone, both in and out of the fitness world.
Wow, this is really powerful. Thanks for sharing my snippet – you put everything together so well.
I’m glad you found it to be a moving post Coco! Thank you for reading it and contributing!
Chrissy – this was a wonderfully crafted post. So many different perspectives. None of it is good. Thanks for continuing the discussion.
Thanks for the kind words Carrie, and for sharing this on your social networks! It is so appreciated 🙂
When working with young people I always advise them to never comment on another person’s body – if they can’t keep themselves from having the judgy thought, at least they can keep themselves from saying it. I struggled with comments on my physique due to a serious health condition, which I wrote about here: http://margaretfelice.com/2015/07/10/the-privilege-of-eating-the-privilege-of-flesh/ Thank you for including those of us who deal with health issues in your post.
I’m so happy there are people out there like you teaching this to young people! Such an important message to be spread. Your post is another great example of how people associate weight with worth, and it’s sad to see that.
Wow! Very well put! This really needed to be said, and you said it beautifully!
Thank you for the kind words and for stopping by to read this!!
What a wonderful (and well written post) that everyone needs to read and share.
Thanks Jill! I’m so glad you found the post to be a good read.
This is AWESOME girl! Thank you so much for sharing my story, and also just for sharing everyone else’s story! This post is VERY POWERFUL, I hope this reaches many!!
xo,
Sarah Grace
So glad to include you in this post Sarah!!